As doulas, we have long observed that postpartum transitions not only affect the mother but the partner as well. The strong urge to provide for a new family and the changing roles in relationship and routine (including sleep) definitely are valid to recognize in father's and partners transition into parenthood as well as the mother's. This article from the NY Times will be very validating for many families: Postpartum Deppression Strikes Fathers' too
What are good tips for helping father's who may suffer from depression after childbirth?
1. Acknowledging it as a possibility and validating the partner's experience. (Yes, mama you are the one getting up and feeding the baby but you also get the benefit of the oxytocin which partners do not.
2. Get help: make an appointment for him to see has regular doctor, naturopath or a counselor. Since many men don't feel comfortable talking about this aspect of their experience into fatherhood, find someone who is understands postpartum depression and is willing to connect. Consider side-stepping the head on discussion with life-force supporting measures like acupuncture, homeopathy, flower essenses or supplements like St. John's Wort (see your professional care provider for guidance) or the Omega's (flax and fish oils)
3. Establish couple time on a regular basis (date night) and alone time (ex. an hour after work each night). For all couples this is helpful, but especially helpful for fathers who feel that the unpredictability of parenting has them in a tailspin.
4. Support his efforts with the P's: Praise, i'm Proud of you and thank you for Providing for our family. Father's need to know how that their efforts are central to contributing to the process of the families success.
5. Make sure he maintains his own ties to his regular support (friends, exercise, family) as best as possible.
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