Supporting The Circle of Life: 4 Generations
I stood holding the woman's hand as she sat up in the hospital bed. Her body arched as she moaned in pain. I instinctively helped her find her center and cope with the pain. "Look into my eyes... That's it... breathe with me...just like that...follow me." Her breathing started to regulate and she stared at me, her body visibly softening back into the bed.
A common moment in the world of doula work, but in this case, it was my dying 94 year old grandmother's hand while she gasped for air and signaled with the tautness of her body that the last round of pain medications had come to it's end. I was surprised by the familiarity of this scene, how closely it mirrored the birth process...except for as I saw her sink back into the bed, looking soft and dreamy again, like a baby, I realized that this woman--who had birthed 5 babies, who had been a school teacher from the age of 16, whom had kept up a perfect demeanor of steadfast Lutheran good cheer and appearances like most residents of Lake Woebegone (or in her case the Copper Country of Michigan), who had been born of strong midwife mothers--this woman was now birthing herself into the next life.
We've always known our skills as doulas were really life skills but recently, we have seen our profession expand to encompass the other side: helping families care for their dead as well as their newly born.
A story in the LA Times this week: Death Midwive as Funeral Alternative highlighted the come-back of of this age-old tradition that midwives and doulas historically have provided. These leaders of a home-based emphasis on caring for one's family through the transition provide families with the support, resources and rituals (along with the confidence to stand up for their own low-intervention funeral!). Does this sound familiar?
I found myself reflecting on this idea as my feelings rose--exhaustion tinged with grief, yet hopeful and excited for her to find her peace and completion. Indeed my grandmother had given me one more gift before her passing--she had given me the strength and reflection to realize that the work we do in the world as doulas, as mothers, as women, is some of the most authentic work there is. I am forever grateful to her. She helped me see the truth in the circle of life in the most honest way possible.
Perhaps you too may find yourself expanding your practice to Full Circle Doula Care!
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